Anxious

My heart is racing, my breath is agitated, my chest feels heavy, my hands are shaking, my stomach feels sick, my vision is blurry, my mind is dissociated from wherever it is I’m standing right now.

I can’t breathe. I can’t see.

I’m dizzy.

There are too many things going on in my head; there are too many thoughts; there’s too little time.

A thousand feelings and memories and troubles hit me at once and I’m overwhelmed, yet I can’t bring myself to feel anything but numb. But at the same time I can also feel everything that could possibly be felt. I can’t comprehend.

Too many voices are around me right now–too many for my liking.

I’m usually okay with closed spaces but right now it’s closing in on me.

I’m walking, but I can’t feel it; now I’m sitting down, but I can’t feel it; now I’m writing, but I can’t feel it; now I’m talking, but I can’t hear it.

I didn’t sleep. Is it that? But this has happened before. Or has it? I can’t remember.

My thought process is messy, but my mind is set on all the things I have to do.

Procrastination. Hopelessness. No future for you. Right? I don’t know anymore.

My mom is texting me to just breathe and think of something nice.

Gee, thanks, never thought of that.

I can’t get it out of my head—I can’t get the numbness out.

I need a therapist. Or do I need enlightenment?

I don’t know.

I need to breathe, but I can’t.

I can’t feel me. Or can I?

Photo credits to: theheartysoul

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A Name Fit for a Strong Woman?

My entire life I’ve been extremely proud of my name–all of it. I can’t tell precisely if it’s because of the fact that my name rolled so beautifully off my mother’s tongue that I fell in love with it or because I grew up in a Cuban family that was always proud of their things. At a young age, I became accustomed to and honored of the name Karla de la Caridad Pérez Ortiz Bello Rivero. Continue reading “A Name Fit for a Strong Woman?”

Hopeless: A Series of Sleep-deprived Karla’s Thoughts

When I was a kid, I had no trouble doing all my work perfectly and on time; now it feels like I’m living on the edge–under the sword of Damocles. Now it feels like I can’t do anything right. Nowadays, work from school and stress from thinking about the future cloud my head and I can’t live peacefully anymore. Continue reading “Hopeless: A Series of Sleep-deprived Karla’s Thoughts”

I live in fear

Despite hearing the constant cries for help that come out of so many children, teenagers, and even adults’ mouths, it appears no one can hear them.
So many lives have been lost this year alone that it’s atrocious.
Despite us asking for such simple changes in our government, more guns are being handed out in silver platters to children, heartless people and worse.
At this point in my life, I can’t go on with my day without hearing on the news a report about a school shooting; Continue reading “I live in fear”

I am my hands

I am my hands. As I gaze upon these two vital parts of my body whose importance and valuable assistance in my daily life I often give for granted, I contemplate the overwhelming and numerous thoughts that seem to emerge as I keep looking at them.

I can almost tell my whole life’s story just by looking at them. Starting from my long and hairy-knuckled (which I’m honestly not very proud of) fingers; one of them in which lies the precious gold and black ring that my mother bestowed onto me about a year ago. Continue reading “I am my hands”