Anxious

My heart is racing, my breath is agitated, my chest feels heavy, my hands are shaking, my stomach feels sick, my vision is blurry, my mind is dissociated from wherever it is I’m standing right now.

I can’t breathe. I can’t see.

I’m dizzy.

There are too many things going on in my head; there are too many thoughts; there’s too little time.

A thousand feelings and memories and troubles hit me at once and I’m overwhelmed, yet I can’t bring myself to feel anything but numb. But at the same time I can also feel everything that could possibly be felt. I can’t comprehend.

Too many voices are around me right now–too many for my liking.

I’m usually okay with closed spaces but right now it’s closing in on me.

I’m walking, but I can’t feel it; now I’m sitting down, but I can’t feel it; now I’m writing, but I can’t feel it; now I’m talking, but I can’t hear it.

I didn’t sleep. Is it that? But this has happened before. Or has it? I can’t remember.

My thought process is messy, but my mind is set on all the things I have to do.

Procrastination. Hopelessness. No future for you. Right? I don’t know anymore.

My mom is texting me to just breathe and think of something nice.

Gee, thanks, never thought of that.

I can’t get it out of my head—I can’t get the numbness out.

I need a therapist. Or do I need enlightenment?

I don’t know.

I need to breathe, but I can’t.

I can’t feel me. Or can I?

Photo credits to: theheartysoul

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Early death

I don’t have many irrational fears–or at least I don’t really consider them irrational. I’m scared of things like needles, puppets, bugs, but I’ve realized that I’m also scared of many other abstract ideas such as death. Continue reading “Early death”

Family pt2

I have mentioned before how my mother went to university, but it is an overstatement to say that her accomplishing that was easy or normal in her family; she was the very first one to attend this higher level of education and actually finish it; and she did so with nearly perfect scores, coming in third place from her entire school of thousands of students. Getting her degree was intense, though: the 1980s were not good years to earn a degree in Cuba. The year in which my mother graduated high school and started applying for university, Cuba was in need of teachers all over the country. My mother was very excited about university and having put medicine—specifically a neurologist—as her first choice in what she wanted to study in made her proud. But the Cuban government had other plans, so she was forced into studying to become an English teacher the next four years of her life. Her biggest support during this difficult time was her grandmother, who had always supported her in anything she accomplished, and who told Irisbel that if she didn’t finish her major despite her hatred towards it, she would never finish anything else in her life because, as she used to say: “all that is started must be finished if you seek success in your life.”
Continue reading “Family pt2”

Family

At an early age (only 2 years old), Irisbel Ortiz Rivero started showing her clear, prominent trait of persistence. It was a fiery summer day in Cuba, and Iris had just arrived from a long car ride that had taken her from Camagüey to La Havana. The entire trip—which had been a long 5 hours in the least—riled up Irisbel’s growing desire to visit Coppelia, a place which was known throughout the country for its amazing ice cream. Since many people liked to have something to refresh themselves with under the hot and unforgiving sun, no one really questioned people who traveled several states just to get a taste of the Cuban delicacy that was Coppelia.
Continue reading “Family”

Suicide rates are increasing as we get more depressing

Depression has become increasingly popular in recent years, especially thanks to the widespread use of social media and desensitization to the term “depressed” as well as the concept of suicide becoming a joke among Gen Z.

Phrases like “I’m going to kill myself if I don’t get an A in this class,” or “I’m so tired of this life that I might as well commit,” or the typical “kms” so often sent through text are used more than this generation even seems to realize. Continue reading “Suicide rates are increasing as we get more depressing”

Humans of MLEC: Moving to a New Country

Melissa Noda
Freshman
Cambridge-Global Studies

“It all started when my uncle came from Cuba on a boat–he spent three days in the sea–and then he came here… five years passed and he became a citizen and claimed my dad. By then my dad was already married to my mom and they had me, too, so two years after he claimed us, we did the interview and all it was accepted, so five months later it was time for us to come here. Continue reading “Humans of MLEC: Moving to a New Country”

In the end, we’re all made of stardust

Sometimes, the universe, or God, or whomever or whatever it may be that controls our fate, decides there isn’t enough chaos in our life, so it stirs some problems up in its magic caldron and throws it out in the open, hitting us in the face with it. It’s a great experience, really, but it’s also annoying. I understand that problems and hardships are a natural factor in life and are inevitable and necessary for us to flourish into better people, but that doesn’t make them any more tedious. Continue reading “In the end, we’re all made of stardust”

Hopeless: A Series of Sleep-deprived Karla’s Thoughts

When I was a kid, I had no trouble doing all my work perfectly and on time; now it feels like I’m living on the edge–under the sword of Damocles. Now it feels like I can’t do anything right. Nowadays, work from school and stress from thinking about the future cloud my head and I can’t live peacefully anymore. Continue reading “Hopeless: A Series of Sleep-deprived Karla’s Thoughts”

Thanksgiving Throwback

Before Thanksgiving even happened last year, my family decided it was a great idea to do something we rarely do: go out. For the first time in our (four?) years of living in the United States, we went to a church and celebrated early. It was honestly a fun day and we enjoyed eating popcorn and taking pictures everywhere and I hope we do it again next year. Continue reading “Thanksgiving Throwback”