An Awaited Birthday

It’s exactly 11:30pm when I glance at the top of my phone where it indicates the current time. Only thirty more minutes.

The time has finally come. I’ve been waiting for this moment since I was four and my family has been anticipating it with equal excitement since I was born. It’s a lot to take in.

Turning fifteen won’t be an easy thing. Why you ask? Because it changes everything.

I’m no longer a child; I’m a woman. But I’m not fully grown; I’m on my way there. I’m closer to adulthood and being able to drive alone than I am to when I finally aged in double digits. I’m changing inevitably and rapidly. I can’t stop it and that scares me.

There’s too much to think about.

‘There’s a new year coming soon.’

‘A new chapter of my life is going to be opened in a few minutes.’

‘My mother will have aged as well (since our birthdays are on the same day) and that reminds me of how imminent death is.’

‘Aging is weird. It all just feels weird.’

‘Life is bizarre.’

‘I’m scared.’

‘I haven’t improved this year.’

‘How will being 15 in 2019 be?’

‘Will I change a lot more? I want to, but I don’t.’

I can only listen to music, watch the clock and drown in my own thoughts as I await my fate.

‘How will people see me now?’

‘I hope this year will be better.’

‘Will anyone even remember my birthday?’

‘Why do I care so much about that?’

Like many things in life, I am scared of this very moment that I’m getting closer and closer to experiencing.

I’m scared.

I put my hand on my chest where my heart is—wow that’s fast.

“Fifteen minutes left,” I quietly tell myself with bated breath.

I can’t believe this is finally happening.

The only thing I can hear is the hum of the air conditioner and the loud thumps coming from my chest.

And then I hear loud shuffling next to me. My mom is rushing towards me playing Feliz Cumpleaños from YouTube on her phone.

‘So it’s finally 12, huh?’

As if on cue, I start crying along with my mother. Our birthday is a very special, intimate day a year in which we can truly bask in the high that comes from aging.

“You’re old now,” she says.

“After turning fifteen all of the other ages will come without you knowing it. You will never be this important age ever again,” says my grandmother.

But it’s all worth it.

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